Transformative learning

The Dilemma
One day I was perplexed by the customer that was complaining.They seemed to be attacking me personally which seemed unfair because I had worked hard to help them and make things better. The minor problems they were complaining about were hardly my fault but I felt guilty and unhappy and frustrated by the experience.
What happened- the transformative learning experience
I saw an educational video by a CBT specialist who role played how he deals with similar experiences. This therapist was highly dramatic and possibly culturally out of place in Australia. He threw his hands up in delight and threw the customer off balance emotionally- so a transformative experience for them too. He said- 'thank goodness you have finally said something useful. I had given up hope that you would do anything, change anything or progress in therapy. Now that you have confronted this issue I think that there is hope' The customer was perplexed but taken off guard, not given the simpering guilt ridden , how can I make it better response he was attempting to distract in a power play with the terapist.
It dawned on me in a powerful way that I was being led into projective identification to the client's projections of dissatisfaction, with their own life. The identification was based on my own counter-transference, or need to be liked, the take responsibility and to be accepted - possibly from childhood learning.
That was obviously not going to help the client - they needed validation for themselves that they could fix the problem, that I could contain their angst .
The Outcome
So my emotional state relaxes when people complain.I interpret the issue with them from the side rather than confronting them head on( more my style). I dont take responsibility, unless it is realistic, and have changed my role in therapy to a more reflective practitioner and less likely to be emotionally involved. This protects me and de-stresses the workload. I changed my behaviour radically, changed my attitude to match and changed the emotional set radically in a sustained way. This was really achieved by interpretation of the psychodynamic issues relating to my own childhood. Having understood them , rather deep level thinking and being, the transformation of myself was processed. The meaning within myself was changed and its effect in the sociocultural realm also changed.By the use of critical reflection, and psychoanalytic interpretation I was able to transform beliefs, attitudes, emotions and behaviours.
Bibliography
Connie Schroeder (2007) Transformative Learning Theory
http://eee.uci.edu/news/articles/060transformative.php